By Kathy Xie (2015.03.10)
When I joined this church and got baptized 3 months after around Easter 4 years ago, I was in the darkest time of my life. Today, I am living a very happy life. The life I would never thought it was possible back then. But with God’s mercy and grace, he has made everything possible.
My life was almost crushed
My life was completely shattered 4 and half years ago. My ex-husband’s long time fair with another woman came to light and they had a child. The businesses we funded in China and in the States have nothing to do with me. It was the time when real estate market crashed in Florida. I was left alone with two very young kids, mortgages close to 1 Million under my name only, including the money borrowed from my parents, not knowing truth directly from my ex. I seriously thought of filing bankruptcy, short-sale of the condo we live, etc… It was an understatement to say that I was scared to death. His cruelty and the way he handled things were outrageous and caused me so much pain and anger. I just wanted him to die. I hit the rock bottom and couldn’t sleep at all.
An inch at the Cliff
We were fighting at the edge of a cliff. A heated instance taken to the court made me realize if we continue to fight, I would be destroyed and my two kids would likely become foster kids. During that dark period, I experienced every single negative feeling human being could possibly experience. One Sunday I walked into the church full of anger, the message from Rev. Brown was how Bible teaches us to control anger. I felt God was talking to me directly. I worried every single day because I never knew what would happen tomorrow or what would happen next hour. God keeps reminding me through his words. Matthew 7:25, 33-34: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things all be given to you as well. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I learned to live an hour a time, one day a time. I went to church every Sunday to learn God’s words and hear messages from Reverend Daniel Chen. This is the church I felt connected thanks for the church leaders, brothers, and sisters.
Road to recovery
The road to recovery and bring back normal life was by no means easy. So many things happened and I went through so many emotions. A day feels like a week. For a good year or two, I could only sleep 2-3 hrs in average. When Patrick started kindergarten at 5, his school starts at 7:45 am and we need to leave house 7:30 am. Getting 5 and 3 year olds kids ready at 7:30 am with them fed by breakfast and lunch packed without a helping hand was a daunting task. Couple of times my eyes went black. At the end of each day, I was too exhausted to even talk. I know God will not give me more than I can bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13: “….And God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
I was thirsty for inspiration. I benefited a lot from TV anchor Orpah’s life-class about gratitude, forgiveness, etc. and Christian books written by Joel Osteen. It reminded me the importance of having the right state of mind. I was inspired by the stories of those people who overcame the obstacles in life and rose above it. I was so determined not to become a victim, not let my kids become the victim. Letting go the things that I can’t control and letting go all the negative feelings is the hardest things I have to learn. But God gave me the wisdom to know that I must let it go. Otherwise, I would be in the mental prison and would not be happy. The Holy Spirit constantly reminded me when I was in the bad moment. The little voice inside me kept saying: “let it go, let it go, let it go!”
While I was going through a lot personally, lots have changed in my professional life. We were under a different team with new bosses. When everyone in the new team was working hard to prove themselves, I was behind. My work requires sharp brain and literally I lost my brainpower as I was too consumed in my own world. I was the only female in the team with over 20 people back then. I was on the verge of potentially being laid off.
I had lots to prove at work. A new coworker joined our team. He is intelligent, works very hard, and he gets along well with everyone. He has vision and gets tasks done so perfectly. He is the best well-rounded person I have known professionally. He raised the bar so high.
Back in January last year, I had an opportunity to work on a prototype capacity solution. There was skepticism because we failed to develop such solution in the same system twice before, resistance of change and wait to see attitude. For the next few months, I worked hard to develop and enhance this solution and overcame many obstacles. I often asked myself: what would my co-worker do if he were the one developing this? I truly gave all I had, my brain and my heart. It is first time in my life I have found passion in my work. Today, the solution has been implemented in more than 10 sites and we have received many praises.
Last year, I also became the business owner to manage the system that the capacity solution was built on. The system is widely used by 2500 users and 91 sites in my company for 15 years. Today the system is facing the challenge of not being viewed strategic. I truly believe the power of this system and the value it brings to my company. I worked tirelessly to develop solutions to solve business challenges inside the system, I travelled to Penang, Malaysia to provide training to regional key people, I pulled the team together to promote knowledge sharing, etc. I did all of the work is not because I had to do, because I knew this is the right thing to do for the company. The hard work I did has helped to turn the situation around.
I am in victory
Looking back, I realize God put me in the position because he wants to do a favor for me. If it were easy, I wouldn’t have given all I have. I have reached to a place professionally I didn’t think it was possible. In the process, I have found passion, confidence, leadership and tenacity I didn’t have before.
I have also seen God’s work in my son, Patrick. Patrick had significant development delay. He didn’t start to talk until he was 4 years ago. The same homework that Emily can finish less than an hour today took him about 6-7 hours when he was in the same first grade. The love and care he received from his teachers and special teachers in the last few critical years is unbelievable. His Kindergarten teacher worked with him one on one every day for about 2 months to help him develop phonetic awareness which he should have but didn’t have back then. I am forever grateful for those teachers and I see God’s love within those teachers. It meant a world to me, especially during that turbulent time. When Patrick told me the end of last October that he got the “Principle’s Award” for the first quarter in the third grade, that was the proudest moment I had last year. It is a reflection of our hard work.
Honor and blessing
Patrick was sick for almost one entire year after he turned to 2, then struggled with significant development delay and no socialization with other kids when he was 3. As he gradually started to socialize with other kids in pre-k class, our family was hit by the storm and both him and Emily got impacted negatively and we had lots of struggle. Along the way, God’s mercy and love has never left him. God has helped put him in the school that God is honored. Patrick has blossomed into such a great boy with a kind heart. I see how he went above and beyond to help his sister when she was sick when no one told him. He was my rock during the difficult time. Patrick has taught me so much. He is truly the God’s blessing to me.
What an incredible journey I had the last few years. I have closed the most important chapter of my life. Here I am grateful for who God is in my life and for what He’s done. I will not take for granted the people, the opportunities, and the favor He has blessed me with. I thank Him for what I have and not complain about what I don’t have. My heart overflows with praise and gratitude for all of His goodness. To God be the glory! Amen!
“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.” (2 Corinthians 2:14)
“感谢 神、常帅领我们在基督里夸胜、并藉着我们在各处显扬那因认识基督而有的香气。(哥林多后书 2:14)